Also In New Jersey, Pointing Your Finger and Saying 'Bang' Is Manslaughter

New Jersey Upholds DUI for a Man in Parked Vehicle:

A New Jersey appellate court yesterday upheld the principle that convictions for driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI) can be imposed on individuals who were not driving. David Montalvo, 36, found this out as he responsibly tried to sleep off his intoxication in his GMC pickup truck while safely stopped in the parking lot of the Market Place Deli on a cold February morning last year. At around 5am he awoke to see a Hamburg Police Department patrolman standing over him. The officer had opened the door of Montalvo's truck to rouse the man and insist that he take a breathalyzer test. Montalvo refused.

He was arrested and forced to make a conditional guilty plea to the charge of DUI, intending to challenge the police officer's actions as a violation of the Fourth Amendment. Montalvo's attorney argued that the patrolman could have no reasonable grounds to suspect that a sleeping man was involved in criminal activity. Montalvo's truck was running, in park, because according to weather records it was about 25 degrees Fahrenheit that Saturday morning.

"From the perspective of the officer on the scene, I don't find at all that what he was doing was unreasonable," Superior Court Judge Thomas Critchley Jr. said in his rejection of Montalvo's argument. "In fact, I find it would have been unreasonable to have stopped his inquiries at any point short of what he did."

The appellate court agreed that the officer was acting reasonably to render assistance to someone who may have been in distress.

"The officer wanted to make sure the driver was 'okay,' nothing was wrong with the businesses and that the truck was operating properly," the appellate decision concluded. "We are convinced that under the facts as observed by Officer Aaronson defendant was lawfully subject to limited inquiry based upon an objectively reasonable exercise of the officer's community caretaking function."

The appellate division affirmed Montalvo's DUI conviction, meaning the sleeping motorist faces a civil remedial fee or "driver responsibility" tax of $3000 in addition to various other fines and fees of at least $1000, plus his legal bills.

Here's what we learn in the Bizzarro-world reasoning of NJ's appellate court:

• "Sleeping in a Parked Vehicle" = Driving
• "Acting reasonably to render assistance to someone who may have been in distress" = demanding a Breathalyzer test
• Courts are nothing more than rubber stamps for terrible legislation
• By upholding this conviction, the appellate court creates a huge incentive for drunks who would otherwise sleep it off in their cars to attempt driving home instead. You know, since either way it's "driving under the influence." Way to encourage the very behavior the law was supposed to prevent. Jackasses.

Ballot's First Law of Mornings

The time it takes your spouse to find the snooze button is inversely proportional to the quality of the song blasting from the clock radio.

Arseblog, Indeed, Is Fuckin' Excellent

I'm slowly losing interest in mainstream American sports - a topic worthy of its own post at some point - but instead I've somehow managed to pour my faith into Arsenal FC of Barclay's Premier League. You read that correctly: I am a soccer fan now.

When did this happen? My attitude toward soccer had previously been a shrug-worthy "meh" - I appreciated the athleticism and insane passion that the game evoked but never took much notice. Something clicked with me during last year's World Cup and I've been intrigued by the beautiful game ever since.

Why Arsenal? How does a Yank jump on the Gunner bandwagon? Four reasons:

1. Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch," as fine a love letter to a sports team as you'll ever find.
2. The hilarious writing of Deadspin contributor and passionate Arsenal fan David Hirshey.
3. Tracy's good friend Michelle, a London native and mad supporter of Arsenal. I'm afraid she'd physically hurt me if I rooted for another team. Seriously.
   
4. Touring the new Emirates Stadium in London in July. I know longtime fans prefer Highbury but the club is very respectful toward its illustrious history and I couldn't help but be impressed.

In pursuit of this new passion, I discovered some outstanding Arsenal blogs, my favorite of which is "arseblog." Today the arseblogger posted the following:

Ashley Cole is all over the papers today saying Chelsea can be invincible. Invincible cunts. Invincible shite eating, piss drinking, donkey fisting thundercunts. Nobody will ever come close to being as despicable as this Chelsea team. If football goes on for another million years and through the process of evolution a team is made up from hideous mutants who feast on kittens and small babies before making it compulsary [sic] to listen to Phil Collins music 23 out of every 24 hours they still couldn’t be as cunty as Chelsea.

Now that's brilliant.

Great Moments in Pageant Question-Answering...Replies...San Dimas Football Rules!

This video from the Miss Teen USA pageant, starring Miss South Carolina delivering a nuanced, trenchant answer, has been all over the Internets:



OK...yeah, I know. Wrong answer. Admittedly, it is pretty funny in a cringe-inducing, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" kind of way. But it's easy to mock when you're not the one in the spotlight's harsh glare, being judged by millions of viewers. So I won't pile on this poor girl.

But here's what I want to know: what the fuck kind of question was that? And why are these sorts of opinions being solicited from teenagers? They're the most neurotic, self-absorbed people on the planet.

"Recent polls have shown that one-fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

How do you answer this ill-considered question without coming off like either a a) colossal asshole, or b) spluttering moron?

The correct answer, of course, is this:

"Well, Aimee, honestly now. How the FUCK should I know? Maybe these 'recent polls' aren't scientific. Maybe this one-fifth represents the blind, the clinically insane, or household plants. The awful truth is that America's educational system has utterly failed in teaching useful life skills or critical thinking, probably from a pitiful combination of politics and neglect. America is home to the fattest, most self-satisfied people on earth. We are teeming with ill-informed and over-opinionated fools. Not only does the one-fifth figure not surprise me, it might be optimistic. Despite all that, what fucking difference does it make in anyone's daily lives to be able to locate the U.S. on a world map?"

Can't blame the girl, can we? Most take pity on the idiot. Nobody likes an asshole.

And when you really think about it, her response was absolutely brilliant. She realized, in that brief instant, the tremendous likelihood of overlap between the geographically wayward and the audience for "Miss Teen USA." Why insult them when it's so easy to make them identify with you! Know your constituency and pander like hell to it. Bravo, Miss South Carolina. Bravo.

***BONUS***

Of course, Miss South Carolina also made me think of this scene from "Billy Madison":

Government to the Terminally Ill: Drop Dead (Literally)

The government thinks it's better for terminally ill patients to suffer and die rather than take medications that haven't been state approved. Of course we don't own ourselves or our bodies; we belong to the state. Otherwise that would be, you know, freedom. And that's crazy.

[h/t to LRC]

Yes, Joe Morgan Sucks, But People: We're Better Than This

FIRE JOE MORGAN links a terrific piece flaying Morgan by Phil Mushnick in today's New York Post. Mushnick ably tackles Joe's various crimes against sports fans and mostly I agree with him. However, there's a curious paragraph about Barry Bonds that deserves another look:

For a man given to detailed expert explanations and historical perspectives (few of which make sense or are supported by facts), Morgan has been disinclined to explain how Bonds hit 25 homers at the age of 26 but 73 at the age of 36, 34 at 27 but 46 at 37. At least give it a guess, Joe.

Whoa there, Phil. We're straying into dangerous territory here. Nobody can really explain this. I agree that Joe Morgan is batshit crazy and unworthy of the mantle of baseball "analyst." I agree that Barry Bonds probably exposed himself to massive doses of the same gamma radiation that turned Dr. Bruce Banner into the Hulk. Whatever, I don't care. The point is it's lazy and irresponsible to say that "Bonds hit 25 HR at age 26, and 73 at age 36, ergo...steroids!" C'mon.

Here are a few other historical perspectives. The game changed immensely in the 10 year period in which Bonds' HR totals nearly tripled. Expansion introduced four more pitching staffs into the game - that's roughly 46 pitchers who might otherwise be toiling in the minor leagues. Plus there was a major shift in the way ballparks were conceived and constructed; I don't know that the new parks are objectively easier on hitters than the older ones, but who knows. In 1991 the NL league OPS was .705; by 2001 it had jumped to .749. Clearly the game had changed in those ten years.

Here are still more historical perspectives: Paul Molitor had his career high in HR - 22 - at age 36. Frank Howard hit 91 HR in his ages 26-29 seasons but 172 HR in his ages 30-33 seasons. Luis Gonzalez's HR totals from 1999-2003 go 26, 31, 57, 28, 26. How do we explain all this?

The thing is, we really can't. This is a problem of epistemology. We can take the easy way out and just say "steroids" and go have a beer, or we can concede that reality is far too complex to be explained by conjecture and tenuous links.

Screencap Evidence That ESPN Does, In Fact, Suck

The self-proclaimed "Worldwide Leader in Sports" has become as painful as gout over the last few years and there are a ton of reasons why. Just a few examples: the idiotic, insulting "Who's Now" promotion. The insistence on foisting sassy "personalities" and contrived debate upon an unsuspecting public. Skip Bayless. Jay Mariotti. Woody Paige. Stuart Scott. Stephen A. Smith. Schrutebag. And don't forget the annoying ESPN Motion player that officiously launches itself whenever ESPN.com is loaded. That's all terrible, true. But what really pissed me off yesterday was unabashed self-promotion.

Here is a screencap from foxsports.com last evening:




And here is a screencap of ESPN.com from the same time:




Seems the networks differ on the day's major stories, no? ESPN put NASCAR and arena football front and center on its page - thereby dictating the newsworthiness of these events to the audience. But it goes unmentioned that ABC/ESPN are broadcast partners with NASCAR and part owners of the Arena Football League. Which is why you see NASCAR and arena football - arena football! - splashed all over ESPN.com. The network is trying to create fan interest, not reflect it.

But who cares, right? It's about creating buzz! It's about cross-promotion! It's about synergy, motherfuckers!

(I'm not saying Fox Sports is above such shenanigans; only that even I'm surprised by how brazen ESPN's become about it.)

I hereby propose a new acronym for ESPN:

Egregious
Self-
Promotion
Network.

[See what I did there?]

21st Century Reefer Madness! Marijuana May Increase Psychosis Risk! This Conclusion Is Total Bullshit!

Time to call bullshit!

Marijuana may increase psychosis risk, analysis says

LONDON, England (AP) -- Using marijuana seems to increase the chance of becoming psychotic, researchers report in an analysis of past research that reignites the issue of whether pot is dangerous.

The new review suggests that even infrequent use could raise the small but real risk of this serious mental illness by 40 percent.

Doctors have long suspected a connection and say the latest findings underline the need to highlight marijuana's long-term risks. The research, paid for by the British Health Department, is being published Friday in medical journal The Lancet. [READ THE REST]

Sounds compelling, right? But wait - this research was paid for by the British Health Department - a government body with a vested interest in propping up the state's policy of prohibition. The needles of my bullshit detector are starting to twitch...

The researchers said they couldn't prove that marijuana use itself increases the risk of psychosis, a category of several disorders with schizophrenia being the most commonly known.

There could be something else about marijuana users, "like their tendency to use other drugs or certain personality traits, that could be causing the psychoses," Zammit said.

So, correlation is not causation? Thanks, professor. What else ya got?

Dr. Wilson Compton, a senior scientist at the National Institute on Drug Abuse [emphasis added] in Washington, called the study persuasive.

"The strongest case is that there are consistencies across all of the studies," and that the link was seen only with psychoses -- not anxiety, depression or other mental health problems, he said.

Scientists cannot rule out that pre-existing conditions could have led to both marijuana use and later psychoses, he added.

So, people with pre-existing conditions may self-medicate with substances like alcohol and marijuana? You don't say. But wait, it gets better:

Two of the authors of the study were invited experts on the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs Cannabis Review in 2005. Several authors reported being paid to attend drug company-sponsored meetings related to marijuana, and one received consulting fees from companies that make antipsychotic medications.

In other words, these guys are firmly in the pockets of governments and their paymasters in the pharmaceutical industry. Who else benefits from the demonization and prohibition of marijuana? Cui bono?

At least The LA Times report on the study closed on a skeptical note:

Dr. Victor Reus, a psychiatrist at UC San Francisco who was not involved in this study, said he was unconvinced by Zammit's conclusions for both psychotic and mood disorders.

Too many outside factors contribute to the disorders, and the studies Zammit used were too vague to draw hard conclusions, he said.

"There's a limit to what you can do with the data that's in these studies," he said.

Thank you, Dr. Reus. Every time a new study comes out linking marijuana to something bad, you can pretty much disregard it. Seriously. Because it is, inevitably, junk science. These kept "scientists" are actually distorting science in the service of political and pharmaceutical interests, and it's despicable.

If a study is funded or commissioned by a governmental body or the pharmaceutical industry, recalibrate your bullshit detectors, and remember that cannabis has been safely used by humans for literally thousands of years.

[h/t to FARK]

49% of the American Public: Dangerously Misguided

Someone please explain this country's weird militarism fetish:

49% - Say Military Strength Ensures Peace

Only about half of Americans (49%) now say they think that maintaining military strength is the best way to ensure peace - the lowest percentage in the 20-year history of Pew values surveys and down sharply from the 62% who said so in the summer of 2002, less than a year after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. [READ THE REST]

Orwell would be appalled (though hardly surprised). Nearly half of Americans actually believe War is Peace. Incredible.

And what would the Founders think? Thomas Jefferson -- the principal author of the Declaration of Independence -- was vehemently opposed to standing armies:

• "I do not like [in the new Federal Constitution] the omission of a Bill of Rights providing clearly and without the aid of sophisms for... protection against standing armies." --Thomas Jefferson to James Madison, 1787. ME 6:387
  
  
• "Standing armies [are] inconsistent with [a people's] freedom and subversive of their quiet." --Thomas Jefferson: Reply to Lord North's Proposition, 1775. Papers 1:231
  
  
• "The spirit of this country is totally adverse to a large military force." --Thomas Jefferson to Chandler Price, 1807. ME 11:160

[h/t to FARK]

UPDATE: Don't miss Justin Raimondo's amazing new piece on militarism as neocon religion (h/t to LRC).

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Been quiet here at DIM lately, and for good reason: I've been trotting the globe like Marco Polo for the last three weeks.

The itinerary included:

• Eight days in London (6/29 - 7/7)
• A very brief weekend in south Florida (7/13 - 7/15)
• A four day excursion to lovely Seattle-Tacoma for work (7/16 - 7/19)

Here's a little photoblogging for your Friday work timewasting activities:

Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliament! And some fat bald guy ruining the view.




My adorable niece Olivia hams it up for the camera at Tra's mom's 60th birthday party. My own expression was remarkably similar after the 2nd mojito.

The view from my room at The MarQueen Hotel. Note the gray sky, which lends authenticity to the stereotypical Seattle tableau.

Good times were had by all. Details and more photos to come, and of course more bile shall soon flow over these pages!

Why People Hate the MSM: Neil Cavuto

Sorry, I don't mean to turn this blog into a 'Ron Paul on YouTube' site, honestly. I post the following video to illustrate why people hate the mainstream media and the way it presents the news, shapes discourse, and subtly slants the debate.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the insufferable Neil Cavuto, interviewing Ron Paul today:






OK, deep breaths.

Calm blue ocean...

OK, I'm good.

Seriously, Neil Cavuto: what is your motherfucking problem?

Let's catalog what's wrong with this "interview":

1. Cavuto takes up nearly 6 minutes of a presidential candidate's time to talk about the motherfucking Brown tax evasion case. Really, there aren't more pressing, bigger picture issues you'd like to inquire of a man running for president? Discussing the Brown situation is fine, I suppose, but how many times can Ron state his positions and then move on? Which leads us to...

2. Cavuto keeps trying to goad Ron into a "gotcha" moment by transparently and egregiously deploying a straw man: "So what you're saying is the Browns are like Gandhi, MLK, Jesus, and Buddha all rolled into one super-deity?" "So you're saying you're against taxes?" This is bullshit for two reasons: one, Cavuto's trying to get a soundbite he knows will play well with Ron's state-media opponents, and two, he frames the question in such a way as to marginalize and dismiss the very position he wants Ron to defend. My GOD, you're against...taxes? We can't have such a debate in this country! When the state plunders its citizens and calls it "taxation," we all agree that's legitimate, right?!? Civil disobedience? In this country? Madness! Sheer madness, I say!

3. If you invite a man to be a guest on your program, at least have enough respect, courtesy, and decency to allow the man to answer your motherfucking questions. Quit interrupting with your manufactured indignation and shallow understanding of the man's convictions. Shut the fuck up and let the man explain himself. You might learn something, asshole.

4. Either Cavuto has cultivated that smarmy, imperious, self-important persona for his program, or he really is that big a douchenozzle. Either way, he's the perfect exemplar of why many people are turning off the mainstream media: we're sick of being condescended to by pompous windbags in expensive suits. We're tired of the "debate" consisting of 6 minutes of badgering in a pitiful attempt to marginalize a good man. We've had it with a media that cares more about ratings than edifying; that focuses increasingly on the likes of Paris Hilton and TomKat instead of actually, you know, questioning things. It's pretty obvious the media dispenses information but not wisdom.

Anyway, back to Neil Cavuto: after watching him in this clip, I'm reminded of the scene from "Good Morning Vietnam" where Robin Williams tells JT Walsh:

"You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

[h/t to LRC]

The Unfree Country Chronicles: "It's meant to be refreshing. It's not meant to be intoxicating."

The powers that be in this country say that "the terrists hate us for our freedom," so just to be safe, they've decided to do away with both:

ALEXANDRIA, Va. (NEWS CENTER) -- You're not supposed to call them "Beer" popsicles, but government regulators say that's what they are. Now, their investigators are trying to stop an Alexandria restaurant and bar from introducing the adult treats to their patrons.

Chef Frank Morales makes the popsicles by cooking the beer with bits of fruit and a liquid that he calls his secret ingredient.

"It's meant to be refreshing," he says, "It's not meant to be intoxicating."

One restaurant-goer says, "I think it's a great idea! It's refreshing and tasty. You can't go wrong with it."

But Alexandria's Alcoholic Beverage Control regulators say there's plenty wrong. They say beer popsicles are illegal because beer must be served directly from its original container or right from the tap. [READ MORE]

Next in the regulators' crosshairs: beer-battered shrimp. The proprietor of this site may need to go into hiding.

[h/t to FARK]

This Is Awesome

In a mere 1:31, this brilliant little spoof manages to skewer politicians, pharmaceutical ads, and the drug war with equal precision.

Incarcerex:





h/t to Reason Magazine via reddit

Notes on the Republican Debate, Jackson Pollock-style

...and by that I mean rendered in haphazard splatters by a bald, and possibly drunk, proprietor. Let's get to it!

*The onstage arrangement of the candidates is pretty dang telling, don't you think? Could CNN be any more transparent about its rooting interests? Front and center: Rudy McRomney. Shunted off to the very edges -- as literal representations of the "fringe" candidates -- are Tom Tancredo and Ron Paul. You suck, CNN.

*Geez, I'm sure glad nobody thought to pose the healthcare questions to the only medical doctor on stage. That would be crazy!

*Duncan Hunter: please, just shut up. He delivers his answers like a junior varsity coach who takes himself and his job a little too seriously. And he had the audacity to suggest that he's more committed to cutting government than any other Republican candidate. Which left Ron Paul supporters feeling like this:

*Mike Huckabee is a fervent believer in creationism. This is weird, because it illustrates how oddball beliefs can become mainstream as long as they're steeped in religious convictions. Look at it this way: if a presidential candidate believed life on earth originated in some space alien's petri dish, and that magic mushrooms were put here deliberately to accelerate our evolution, he'd be labeled a crackpot and summarily dismissed. But are those ideas any more loopy than literal belief in the creation story? Just saying, one idea is acceptable to express in public, the other is not. Ours is a fucked up society.

*Although lacking in fireworks or even much intrigue, this debate was for me a watershed moment, because Rudy Giuliani demonstrated quite plainly why he is unfit to be president. He feels the need to answer EVERY QUESTION even when not given the floor; it's like he loves the sound of his own nasal lisp. I wish that smug, officious, narcissistic, attention-whoring megalomaniac would shut the fuck up already. It's crazy that the totalitarian Rudy has been polling as the frontrunner. The guy seeks to ratchet up the Iraq war, refuses to disavow the insane "nuclear option" against Iran, and intends to foist a national ID card on the people of this country. Utterly insane.

I feel the exact same way whenever you open your piehole, Rudy.

*I'm no supporter of Tom Tancredo's, but he did have the best line of the night: asked what role George W. Bush might play in a Tancredo administration, the latter relayed how his criticism of Dubya's immigration policy led an angry Karl Rove to warn him to "Never darken the door of the White House again." Tancredo said: "I would have to tell George Bush the exact same thing Karl Rove told me." Well played, sir.

*If you slapped a turtleneck and bad mustache on Mitt Romney, he'd look like a bad villain from a 70's cop drama, no? I don't trust that guy AT ALL.

*Winners: war, nuclear options, statism, Wolf Blitzer, 9/11, lightning, pandering, the media, banality.

*Losers: peace, freedom, liberty, Iran, immigration, honesty, puppies, sunshine, the American public.

Ron Paul vs. the Establishment

Please invest 10 minutes of your day to watch this compilation of Ron Paul's responses from the other night's Republican presidential debate:





Tell me: what was so unreasonable or objectionable in anything he said?

I want you to watch Giuliani's reaction around the 6:09 mark: he's angry, yes, but I see something else in his eyes: fear. Benito Giuliani and the rest of the establishment is afraid of Ron Paul and the truth he speaks. If you don't believe me, check out the desperation spewing from the neocon spin machine:

• Hannity
  
• Hewitt
• Goldberg

Condemnation from these authoritarian creeps is the greatest possible endorsement of Dr. Paul's candidacy.

Randomly:

1. Reading the various smears and straw men being perpetrated against Dr. Paul reminds me of Mahatma Ghandi's famous quote:

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."

2. Don't miss two brilliant columns from LRC today:

• Ron Paul Said It by Lew Rockwell
• Ron Paul Violated the Rules by Thomas E. Woods, Jr.

3. Oh, and Rush Limbaugh, John Gibson/Michelle Malkin, FOX News in general and Carl Cameron in particular, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck can all kindly go fuck themselves.

why he's NOT the man

The other day my friend Adam sent an e-mail with the tantalizing subject header, "why he's the man." Who? WHO is the man? I had to know. But upon opening the e-mail I found only a link to an article about Dennis Kucinich filing impeachment articles against VP/asshole supreme Dick Cheney:

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich filed articles of impeachment Tuesday against Vice President Dick Cheney, saying his action is driven by a desire to defend Americans' right "to have a government that is honest and peaceful." [BWAHAHAHAHA! --Ed.] [Read more]

Given the options, Kucinich may be the best of a dismal Democratic lot. He has been solid on Iraq and for mostly the right reasons. But he is "a commie" as Lew Rockwell points out and absolutely awful on economic matters. Kucinich's answer for every state-created mess is another government program. The man's faith in the state is unshakeable. Like most politicians, he has zero confidence in the market or in society's ability to manage itself. He's preferable to the soulless harpy Hillary but that's damning with faint praise.

There is only ONE presidential candidate who truly favors freedom and peace. You want to know who the man really is? Look no further than Ron Paul...

Finally, Some Campaign Posters That Tell the Truth

FARK ran a recent Photoshop contest whose theme was "Convert an old Soviet propaganda poster or mural into a campaign ad for the 2008 U.S. elections." The entries here are incredibly creative and feature a decidedly libertarian bent.

This one's my favorite:




Links:
Inspiration & source material here

FARK Photoshop contest here

passed over

This year my employer -- a fairly huge, well-known corporation that I decline to name here -- gave out oversized calendars for us carbon blobs to hang in our cubes. Each month highlights a different event or occasion that takes place within that month. It's a nice gesture and the calendar itself features cheerful artwork colored in bright, festive hues. Nice, huh?

So I'm checking out the calendar today in order to brush up on April's featured event: turns out that in Hong Kong they honor the sea goddess Tin Hau every April. According to the calendar:

"Every April, Hong Kong pays tribute to Tin Hau, goddess of the sea. Her birthday is celebrated to bring safety, security, fine weather and full nets during the coming year. There are celebrations at Tin Hau temples in different districts in Hong Kong. Boats are decorated with colorful ribbons praising the goddess for past protection and praying for future luck."

Hey, that's pretty cool. So what else is worthy of commemorating in April, according to my employer's calendar?

Sunday, 4/1: April Fool’s Day, Palm Sunday
Friday, 4/6: Good Friday
Sunday, 4/8: Easter
Sunday, 4/22: Earth Day
Wednesday, 4/25: Administrative Professionals Day

So let's see...we have Tin Hau tributes in Hong Kong, OK. Earth Day -- a little socialist for my tastes, but all right, keep the hippies happy. Administrative Professionals Day...well, that's important, gotta show support for the people who support you, right?

But I can't help but feel that something's missing from the list. Hmmm...what could it be?

Hey, I know: PASSOVER! Only one of the holiest days celebrated by Jews the world over! Think Seder, plagues, matzoh, Charlton Heston -- ring a bell??? It starts TONIGHT, in case anyone was wondering.

Now, I'm the farthest thing from one of those perpetually aggrieved victim types. Many of my people are just looking for perceived slights, insults, and reasons to kvetch -- which dilutes the thankfully few instances of genuine anti-Semitism we may encounter. I point out this omission, which I'm sure was an honest oversight, not to cry anti-Semitism or embarrass my employer but to illustrate how sensitivities seem to have changed.

Seriously, maybe this is a good thing: when corporate America is more paranoid about political and class pressures (freaking Earth Day and Administrative Professionals Day?) than acknowledging holidays of historically persecuted religious minorities, well...I don't know if that's progress but at least they're focusing on something else.

Still, even my Simpsons desk calendar remembered Passover...

it's kind of like an arctic mindbath

So I finally upgraded to Blogger 2 Electric Boogaloo, and after a little tinkering, toying, and surfing for new templates...I decided to overhaul the whole damn thing.

Questions, comments, and a snarky "you still blog?" or two are welcome...

I hate this tradition

Bush meets the Hurricanes. Insert your Katrina jokes here.

The Decider took time out of his busy schedule Friday to fete the defending Stanley Cup champion Carolina Hurricanes. Not surprisingly, I loathe this obnoxious tradition:

1. The "honor" of being invited to the White House is just another demand to pay tribute to the Maximum Leader. EVERY TEAM awards the president with a personalized team jersey. It's a nice token but isn't the point of these things to have the president be the one doing the honoring? That teams feel obligated to lavish gifts upon the president makes him seem less presidential and more, I dunno...monarchical? Dictatorial?

2. It's sickening to watch opportunistic politicians bask in the reflected glow of people who have actually achieved something. Especially since sports and politics operate on ethics that are diametric opposites. Athletic competition is the purest realization of American ideals, the ultimate meritocracy -- talent, hard work, and teamwork in pursuit of a common goal are the hallmarks of success. But politics require none of these virtues. Instead, a politician need only convince a majority of the gullible masses that he's the less knavish of two dreadful choices. After that, it's mostly logrolling, Influence peddling, and demagoguery -- not very heroic or inspiring. Small wonder politicians leech onto successful athletes as though the association implies the same qualities for each.

3. The whole display is phony and so much appalling theatre. It is 99.9% probable that Bush watched zero Stanley Cup playoff games and couldn't identify a single Hurricanes player without help from his handlers. So the ceremony is about Bush waxing philosophic, lecturing on virtues he does not himself possess, and making a few disingenuously self-deprecating jokes. While commenting on Carolina's underdog status, he actually said, "I like to be around people who keep expectations low." Right. That's why his reputation behind the scenes as arrogant, bullying, megalomaniacal, and narcissistic is just a misunderstanding, right? Meanwhile, visiting players must be on their best behavior -- listen politely, smile and laugh at the appropriate times, and maintain a comfortably neutral facade. How awful and undignified this encounter must be for any athlete with a conscience!

Enough already. We need separation of sport and state, now!

p.s. This take on the meeting is pretty funny.