I had the singular displeasure of tuning in to ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd the other day. It took a mere three minutes of unbridled idiocy to get me scrambling for the volume control. After a few moments of silence I realized I was still absentmindedly twisting the knob leftward, sparking this insight:
By turning down my radio's volume, I was expressing the hope that the knob was somehow imbued with the magical power of imposing negative silence on Schrutebag. Not only did I hope he could emit no sound whatsoever, but with each twist of my volume control I wished his every attempt at speech would emit negative decibel levels - so that by opening his mouth he would actually muffle and absorb other irritating sounds - thereby making the world a quieter, gentler and, yes, saner place.
By turning down my radio's volume, I was expressing the hope that the knob was somehow imbued with the magical power of imposing negative silence on Schrutebag. Not only did I hope he could emit no sound whatsoever, but with each twist of my volume control I wished his every attempt at speech would emit negative decibel levels - so that by opening his mouth he would actually muffle and absorb other irritating sounds - thereby making the world a quieter, gentler and, yes, saner place.
