Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Super-Terrific Happy Hour: LinkStyle

OK, hip kids, who got that title reference??? On to the japery...

• For anyone who gives a Cheney, the mighty Rolling Bones demolished the Bull Moose Party at Union Hill Park last evening, 9-0. That's not a typo. In a bold moment of weakness, I had predicted to Rob that I would get a goal and perhaps an assist or two tonight. I did pick up a couple helpers, but that first goal of the season? Remains elusive. But those ice bags on my bruises don't feel quite as frigid after so glorious a victory...

• Evidently the War on Terror is over and we won. It must be, though nobody told me, because the administration is diverting resources toward making sure you don't look at kinky stuff. You know, because the scourge of pornography is just tearing this country to pieces. In all seriousness, catch this quote from the FBI spokesmonkey:

At the FBI's field office, spokeswoman Debra Weierman expressed disappointment that some of her colleagues find grist for humor in the new campaign. "The adult obscenity squad . . . stems from an attorney general mandate, funded by Congress," she said. "The personnel assigned to this initiative take the responsibility of this assignment very seriously and are dedicated to the success of this program."
As our little friend Yoda would say, "That is why you fail." Seriously, there is no such thing as "success" here. The government never succeeds at eradicating consensual "crimes" (such as prostitution, drugs, gambling, etc.) because, for one thing, it's impossible to regulate people's appetites. More importantly, do they understand the logistics involved? Um, not that I'm an expert or anything, but I'd hazard a guess that the vast majority of pr0n is consumed over the internets these days -- you know, where it's free. How can the feds possibly prevent Americans from accessing offshore pr0n servers? Oh right -- they can't.

• I'm no NASCAR fan but this is kinda cool. It's for a good cause, and really, what else are you going to do with a spare $8 million or so (as of this writing)?

Tickets to the new Georgia Aquarium for a family of four: $79.50. Funding Bernie Marcus's giant F-you to the city of Chattanooga: Priceless.

Is there any way this can work? 80 bucks for a family of four is outrageous enough but it doesn't include things like gas, parking, food & souvenirs for the kiddies, etc. Much of the money in greater ATL resides in the northern 'burbs -- does the aquarium brain trust honestly think those folks are going to cheerfully load up the SUV and shlep downtown, just for the privilege of spending that kind of money on some fish? Anyone see any problems with this scenario?

Have a sublime Wednesday. Update coming late tonight...


Rob said...

I only have time to be the FIRST to post a response to the source of your blog's title, then adastardly staff meeting calls. This would be from Seinfeld. One of my fondest memories is of three Japanese tourists sleeping in a bureau in Kramer's office. "That's a lovely little bureau and breakfast you're running there."

Wayne said...

Porn Good, Bush Bad.
Regarding the War on Porn (and drugs, for that matter), you nailed (really, no pun intended) the crux of the matter by pointing out that it's impossible to regulate human appetites, which is why such endeavors are always futile -- do not these supposedly intelligent people learn anything from history, or have the remotest insight into human nature? It seems as if becoming a politician necessitates a drop in IQ points, or at the very least a loss of conventional wisdom. The stupid antics of Pious, Authoritative Bush make me long for the stupid antics of coked-up, drunken frat-boy Bush of yesteryear -- at least that Bush probably had an understanding, no matter how crude the level, of what made other people tick -- a sense of how others might actually live and experience life. Moreover, how do Bushie and friends solemnly and self-righteously criticize anti-war sentiments by saying how our soldiers are over in Iraq protecting our freedoms, all the while dismantling so many of the freedoms we should be so gratefully enjoying under this administration's "rule"? Between this "War on Porn" and the more heavy-handed aspects of the Patriot Act, Bush seems to fail to recognize how much more closely we resemble the worst aspects of Islamic fundamentalism. I'm really serious when I say this: it's much more of a patriotic act to watch "I Dream of Jenna" or light up a joint than stick a yellow, magnetic ribbon on your car. Ask any soldier and I'd bet they would say the same.
And as for pornography supposedly wrecking families and being an all-around detriment to society, I'd be willing to wager that more families have suffered from his stop-loss policy, requiring soldiers to stay for extended tours in Iraq, than letting someone have the freedom to flip through the latest issue of Playboy. How dare they say what I can or cannot watch or do in the privacy of my own home? Isn't that why our soldiers are over there? In the light of Bush's policies, such statements ring hollow. Freedom's a big, big word that encompasses much more than saluting the flag, and neither major party, nor most of the American public, judging by how they vote, seem to understand that.